Many men often tell me about their desire but also their fear of taking part in a collective Tantric experience. Over the last few months, more than ever, I've been reminded of the first Gay Tantric Retreat I attended. That's why, for this article, I've decided to tell you how I experienced my very first Tantra Retreat.
First of all, you should know that I was far from the ideal candidate to take part in a Gay Tantra Retreat.
In fact, I'm not a member of the community and I wasn't seeing any gay people at the time - apart from my life companions and my booty calls. To tell you the truth, I couldn't see myself spending four days in a group and, what's more, with gay people.
My spiritual journey was already very intense at the time, but tinged with a religiosity that demonised sexuality. I'd already heard about Tantra and I felt that this was where I had to go if I wanted to continue on my path, as my sexuality was clearly cut off from my spiritual practice. I'd reached a stage where I felt I was walking a fine line between my faith and my sexuality. What's more, my sexuality wasn't nourishing me.
It took me several months before I decided to take the plunge.
When I arrived at the Retreat venue, I was in stark contrast, wearing my rangers, my shaven head and my cross of Christ as a banner. I imagined an ultra-sacred moment while secretly longing for intense sexual experiences. In the end, I experienced neither, and at the same time, both desires were satisfied by the magic of this first experience.
As I write these lines, I have a tender thought for the leader of this first Retreat, who had to put up with me for four days. In fact, I was very resistant to all the suggestions, I didn't feel anything and I was shouting to anyone who would listen that I wouldn't let myself be chosen by the other participants to go through the exercises. So I found a partner from the start of the Retreat and I didn't leave him during the four days in order to protect myself as much as possible. The friends I made during the event would later tell me that they perceived me as a ghost during that first experience.
Paradoxically, I immediately felt at home and had the feeling that one day I too would be leading Gay Tantra Retreats.
Today, years later, I've taken part in dozens of Gay, male-only and mixed Tantra Retreats. I've even attended men's Tantra Retreat and a mixed Tantra Retreat run by the "grandmother of Tantra", Margot Anand. I made a lot of gay friends along the way. These Retreats have also enabled me to reconcile my spirituality and my sexuality, to rediscover my creativity and to place beauty and comfort at the centre of my daily life. What's more, through these different experiences, I've found a family that recognises me for who I am, like the ugly duckling who discovers he's a swan among his peers.
So if you too would like to find yourself, discover the hidden treasures within you and meet new people, I invite you to join us at a Men's Hearts event. Click here for more information.
Yours Tantrically,
Guillaume
Men’s Hearts’ Animator
留言